Revelation

I can't seem to stop crying.

At what point in your walk, your relationship with Christ do you realize that you are dry. That you are barren.

Empty.

Is it the enemy that blinded my eyes to this painful realization? Or is it my own prideful nature?

The blinders fell from my eyes recently and the pain in my heart, my soul from drifting away from my heavenly father became too much for me to bear. I recently joined a women's Bible study and have been working my way through "Becoming a Woman of Excellence" by Cynthia Heald. God is truly revealing to me who he wants me to become. He has laid the path for me to follow to a beautiful, fulfilling and excellent relationship with him.

But I did not truly realize just how hungry I was, just how desperate I was to be filled once again with Him. I know now. I cannot stop crying.

For Lent I wanted to give up something that meant something to me. Something that really changed my behavior. I struggled with what to give up for days. It couldn't be soda or the internet; failure would follow those for sure. It had to be something different. One day it hit me, hard. I sat in my minivan with my three rambunctious kids listening to my daily dose of talk radio. Depending on the time of day it could be Rush, Hannity, Beck or if you are lucky enough to live in the Pacific Northwest, the great Lars Larson. A great debate filled the airwaves and I was enthralled. So deep in the thick of it that I snapped at my child to be quiet so that I could hear. HE revealed to me then what I was to give up. I reset my radio to KLOVE. It was really hard at first. I didn't know the music and honestly didn't like a lot of it. It took a good week before I stopped reaching for the tune button after every song. But soon my beautiful children started singing along and so did I.

There was a specific song that I had heard in church a few times. It was intense and rubbed me the wrong way when I heard it. So much so that I didn't sing along. I caught it a few times on the radio and didn't think much of it. But yesterday I had the rare occasion to run to the grocery store by myself. In the car this song came on. I knew every word. For the first time in a very long time, I really truly worshiped my God, my Savior. I wept like a baby. He brought me to a very low, low point and showed me just how full he could fill me. This passage broke me:

 

Filled with wonder,

Awestruck wonder

At the mention of Your Name

Jesus, Your Name is Power

Breath and Living Water

Such a marvelous mystery

Allowing Him to fill me.

The song was a mystery to me. I had no idea who sang it or what the title was. Tonight I had some time to myself so I went searching for it. When I finally found it I had to laugh. He is SO AMAZING! The name of the song was Revelation Song. That is truly what it was for me, revelation in a song. I can't seem to stop crying.

Thank you Philips, Craig and Dean and thank you Savior.