Don't mind the eating sounds ;)

I had to post this little video that I found on youtube. Sensory Processing/Integration Disorder is so hard to explain to people. This was made simply to help children understand their SPD but it's great for family and friends that are involved with your child, too. Just don't mind the annoying sound effects!

Enjoy!

Goat Milk Soap Lust

I have a confession...

I'm suffering from goat milk soap lust.

This Goat Milk Stuff to be exact.

Isn't it pretty!?!

I need it...

Last year I made my own laundry soap (with Zote, not goat milk soap) and loved how chemical free it was. But I make liquid soap and the soap in the extra bottle got a little... solid over time. I went back to the lovely chemical loaded stuff that I've always used and haven't thought much about it. But this summer, Liam finally had a conclusive allergy test that made me start thinking again. Liam is allergic to cats. Really really allergic. But while we are living at my parents, he'll be living on Zyrtec. He is also highly allergic to all molds, dust mites and dust. That I can do something about! While I've been reading about natural ways to deter mites and mold, tea tree oil has popped up quite a bit. But I can't just throw a little tea tree oil into the laundry, that only solves one of our problems. Donnelly also has eczema. Every kind of soap irritates it! After trying several different 'remedies', I found that only taking one bath a week helps a lot. But she's getting bigger, dirtier and now she's potty training... bathing is becoming more... necessary!

Lucky for me (and not the nasty dust mites!) I was directed to Goat Milk Stuff while reading a 'clean' cleaning post on Mckmama's blog. I ventured to the site and again found tea tree oil. After a little reading I found that tea tree oil is great for eczema! And so is goat milk soap! Hallelujah! I found a great laundry bar soap that I can use to make my own laundry detergent with tea tree oil. Now maybe I can have an itchy-less little girl and a wheezy-less little boy! Plus, it's awesome for the whole family, the environment and it comes from a small family farm! What more could you ask for?

I can't wait to order it and start making my own laundry soap!

(All pictures are from Goat Milk Stuff. And aren't they lovely!)

Held

Life is so often anything but wonderful. Life is so very often filled with trials that turn daily life into a battle ground. We are living in a mine field. We are living with SPD.

My sweet baby Benjamin is struggling. Now before I go into this I have to (for my own broken heart) say that I recognize that what Ben deals with is nothing compared to what so many mother's sweet babies struggle with. He is healthy. He is strong and beautiful. But my heart breaks for the sweet child that is often trapped behind a confused and angry brain. Since school started a few weeks ago, Ben has become a slave to the spectrum. We have all become slaves to the spectrum. It pains me to watch this disorder control my child; to watch it control my family.

I have become frustrated. I've become angry. I want to be bitter. But towards what? My son? My beautiful little boy's confused brain? What then, I have to ask myself. My Creator? The One who made my child so perfectly in him image? So perfectly. It brings me to tears to write that. Ben is so perfect simply because he is made in the image of God. He is so sweetly beautiful because he is exactly who God want him to be. God planted these seeds of struggle, pain, this seed of Autism in my child to mold him into the beautiful person God sees in him. But I couldn't see that. I couldn't see past my own bitterness.

This past week has been rough with Ben. The novelty of school has worn off. He has started to struggle through the day but holds it together... until he gets in the car and war begins. I hate fighting with Ben. I hate to be screamed at. I hate to be told that my child wishes he wasn't part of a family. I hate SPD. I loathe it. I am so defeated by it. We are both so defeated by it. But tonight, my Father spoke to me, as He is so faithful to do. 

Tonight I sought solace in headphones and mindless internet time. Hoarding information that might be the key to freeing my son from this... mess. I can't even come up for the right word. My usual play list of music numbed my ears and drowned out the dark. Then a line from a song that I've listened to a thousand times crushed me. I played that line again. And again.

This hand is bitterness

We want to taste it and

Let the hatred numb our sorrows

The wise hand opens slowly

To lilies of the valley and tomorrow

This is what it means to be held

And it hit me. My bitterness is eating me, it is hindering me from soothing and aiding my child. I have latched on to that bitterness and allowed it to dictated my reaction to everything. I have allowed it to stand between my son and hope; between my son and healing. Bitterness has crept in where hope and patience should have been. It has blinded me from the true purpose of Benjamin's SPD, the true purpose of any thing that breaks our spirit. God is so faithful to gift us with the ability to choose between hanging on to bitterness and anger or finding safe harbor in his arms. He is so faithful to wait for us to come to terms with that bitterness, to leave it behind, to let it go and find hope, patience and healing of our broken spirits in His arms. THIS is truly what it means to be held. To accept this, to grasp that the injustice of a life altering disorder is a beautiful opportunity to turn to our Father. To find peace. To be held.

If hope if born of suffering

If this is only the beginning

Can we not wait, for one hour

Watching for our savior

This is what it means to be held

 

I pray that with the love, strength and guidance of my Father, I can release this hand so tightly fisted to the bitterness that I allow to control me. I pray that He will show me how to help my baby. I pray that he will bring joy back into our lives. That HE will be our joy.

 

 Natalie Grant - Held

Listen to held

Oh The Books That We Read ~ Vol.1

It's our very first...

 Last Winter, Ben was having a very hard time settling down and falling to sleep. He has always had difficulty with transitions but this was becoming a huge problem and interfering with his daily life. After a few weeks of 1am bedtimes and terrible mornings, I went looking for help. I found the answer in a little girls magic finger. No really! I happened to have The Magic Finger by Roald Dahl on the book shelf. So one night Ben and I cuddled up on his bed and read the entire thing. This wonderful little book is only 64 pages long but it solved our transition problem! The simple and time tested act of reading a (mostly) picture less book that required my restless child to listen and picture the story in his own little mind also quieted and calmed him. He fell asleep within minutes. This may seem like a "well... duh" moment for some but it made a huge difference for our family.

Since then Ben and I have read several chapter books together. Bed time has become really a special time for both of us. I'd really like to keep a record of the splendid books that we read and what books the little ones are enjoying as well. So here it is! Oh The Books That We Read!

For our very first entry, I'd like to recap a few of the books that we have read over the spring and summer.

The Magic Finger

by Roald Dahl

(you're going to be seeing this name a lot! He's my FAVORITE!)

Ben and I have read this twice now. It is a pretty quick and easy read. If I recall correctly it is one long story, not a chapter book. This charming story is not for the faint of heart! It is about a little girl that has had enough of her hunting obsessed neighbors. After trying several creative ways to make them change their 'wicked ways', she is forced to put 'the magic finger' on them. As with all Roald Dahl stories, The Magic Finger is filled with wit, danger, action and important life lessons.

Danny Champion of the World

by Roald Dahl

(see, I told you!)

"My father, without the slightest doubt, was the most marvelous and exciting father any boy ever had."

Danny Champion of the World

This is by far my favorite book by Roald Dahl! Maybe my favorite book ever! Danny Champion of the World is best read by a daddy (or in our case, a Papa) to his son. But don't miss out on the wonderfully adventurous book, moms! Danny and his father live in a gypsy caravan, they tend their little gas station on the edge of town and occasionally take off to fly home-built gas balloons. Their beautiful relationship and stunning adventures make this book a treasure! BUT... there is hunting involved. Very much so involved! Check it out for yourself first, then enjoy it! Now I want to read it again...

There are so many other wonderful books the the kids and I have been reading. I can't wait to share them!

It's the thought that counts... right?

This morning I dragged out the vacuum, a daily occurrence at our house. As I did this, Liam jumped up and ran for the stairs, yelling "My baccum! My baccum!" the entire way. He spent the next twenty minutes vacuuming his little heart out with his plastic Fisher-Price vacuum before he got distracted and headed out to vacuum the back yard. It's the thought that counts, I thought. And it hit me...

It IS the thought that counts.

You see I've been pondering returning to the great blogosphere for awhile now but it has been so many months, my children have grown in so many ways, life has changed so much. Could I really come back? I have the heart and desire to blog, the need for an outlet and beautiful memories to record. Is that enough? With two year old twins and a first grader I find little time to do things that I enjoy (besides care for them, I really do enjoy that!). Can I post several times a week? Probably not. But like I said before...

It is the thought that counts.

It is the love, the humor, the memories, the trials, the outlets and the sweet little faces. That is what counts!

So I will return to this wonderful life, with my head held high. I will share good times and the bad, the "Ben-isms" and the baby talk, the joy and the heartache. And I will do it to the best of my ability, with my heart in the right place.