Today

Today.

Today I became something that I was not.

I became Auntie Em.

Congratulations to my sister Jessi and her husband Nathan (who is already an amazing daddy! He had her tucked into his sweatshirt!) on their very first baby! A beautiful baby girl! I wasn't able to see my sister after the birth of the baby, it was late and she needed some serious rest after a very long labor and a c-section. Jessi was a trooper! She carried this sweet bundle of love for almost fourty two weeks!

Meet my very first niece.

Sweet baby Girl

Born November 19, 2009 at 8:55pm

8lbs 2oz 19 inches long

I am amazed by the love I feel for her!

Love

Love.

Him, I love.

High Hopes...

That's what I have: High Hopes.

Last month we found out that the house we have been renting for the past year and a half is going on the market in May and we will have to move. I don't have a problem with the moving part, Erik and I have moved seven times in the past nine years. Yes, I said seven times. But this time is different. We made a home here; our little ones played in the back yard and colored on the wall. We were home. This move will be different for me, I feel as though I am leaving a little behind. I'm afraid of where we are going.

I want a home of my own; I desire a place to put down roots. And the more I think about it, the more I know what I want. Want but cannot have. Buying a home is not in the cards for us right now, three kids on one income is hard. Trying to find that extra cash for a down payment is even harder. So here is our plan, here is where I am placing my high hopes. We plan on finding something small and cheap to snuggle into for a while so that we can save up for that lofty down payment. After that I have really high hopes.... this is what I hope for.

Ok, not that exactly. But I crave something in the country; a little space, a place to watch my little one play in puddles and search for bugs. A place where my family can be warm and safe. A place where we can listen to the birds in the morning and enjoy a cup of coffee on the front steps. I want to live simpler. I want to be home.

So here I sit, looking at ads for tiny rentals but I have high hopes that one day a place like this will be my home.

I have such high hopes.

What!?! Not My Husband!?! That This Even Allowed!?!

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

Oh has it been a week! Just one of those weeks. My family is patiently awaiting the arrival of my very first niece; I will FINALLY be an Auntie! I am SO excited. So this week has been one of those weeks because my sister is over a week late. The family has found different activities to occupy ourselves: puzzles, painting Christmas ornaments, talking about labor, eating wonderful food, crocheting, watching funny things on YouTube, etc, etc. On Friday my sweet and wonderful husband Erik kept the little ones home so that I could enjoy Mom's and Muffins day with Ben and then have a nice relaxing lunch with my sisters.... which brings us too...

NOT MY HUSBAND!!! MONDAY!!!

 

Holy cow! Has this been done before!?! I'm sure it has I just got a huge kick out of it.

So Friday, after lunch, I bring Ben home to find the little ones fresh from the bath tub, the kitchen cleaned and the twins lovies in the wash. What a productive few hours, I thought. I praised Erik for all that he had done; giving the twins a bath is no small feat! I asked him why they had a bath and he told me that they were sticky for honey they had a t lunch. Wow, he's awesome! We went on without day and into the weekend, me telling everyone how wonderful Erik was on Friday. On Saturday I go to throw a load of laundry in and find Liam's pajamas from Friday. They are stuck to me; seriously they stuck to me when I went to dig in the dirty clothes! Wow, I thought, they really did get sticky at lunch. Sunday morning rolls around and I find myself making the kiddos breakfast before we head to church. I go for a fork in the silverware drawer, it's sticky. I go for another. It's sticky too. The inside of the drawer is sticky. I start taking things out, sticky nasty things, and then I take out the silverware tray. There is a puddle of honey. A PUDDLE! A large sticky puddle of honey in the bottom of my silverware drawer. ERIK! So I ask, um honey? Oh yeah....

Me: So what's with the honey in the drawer?

E: Oh it spilled.

Me: When?

E: Friday...

Me: How?

E: Um they got into it... the twins...

Me: How?

E: I had to do something on the computer and they spilled it.

Me: So is THAT why they got a bath and the kitchen was clean and the lovies were washed?

E: Yep!

Me: Nice Erik...

So my wonderful husband most certainly did not leave our 2-year-old twins unsupervised long enough for them to take their little chairs from the living room to the kitchen and then climb up on said chairs, open the brand new container of honey and spill it everywhere. Nope not my husband!

How does he know?

How does he know? How is it that a child can be born knowing their birth order? How did L know that HE was the baby of the family, by a matter of seconds but the baby none the less? L is my baby. He is a whopping twenty-two pounds and a good two and a half inches shorter than his twin sister. He lives to be held and cuddled, loved on and snuggled. He is the baby of the family down to his little core.

He came to us a little over four pounds and although we knew he was small and struggling in the womb, we never expected him to be that small. The place he has taken in our family is anything but small. L, like my other children, has filled a void that I never realized was there. How did he know? How did he know that to deal with his strong willed sister, his mommy would need a baby that NEEDED her, that craved her attention while his sister craved her freedom? He is precious to me, precious to all that know him. That, I know he knows!

Meet my son, my baby L.

He is sweet and a joy to be near.

He can bring a smile to anyone.

He is beautiful and the love (as are all of them) of my life!

Meet my son

Liam James

How Great Thou Art

UPDATE:
Stellan is SVT free!!!
The surgery was a success and Stellan is now SVT free!
God is more awsome than we could ever imagine!


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I was raised in a small Orthodox Presbyterian Church. Worship consisted of a piano and a hymnal; I have never found worship so beautiful. Of course I didn't think that then but that's not the point. Now as an adult, whenever I find myself in fervent prayer, hymns take over my prayer and are lifted up to God. Today I am in fervent prayer for Stellan and His mom Jennifer. Stellan is in surgery right now, you can read more about him here:

So on this dark and rainy day, this is running through me, reminding me just how great HE is and all that HE can do.

 

How Great Thou Art

O Lord my God,

When I in awesome wonder

Consider all

The works Thy Hand hath made,

I see the stars,

I hear the mighty thunder,

Thy pow'r throughout

The universe displayed;

 

Then sings my soul,

My Savior God, to Thee,

How great Thou art!

How great Thou art!

Then sings my soul,

My Savior God, to Thee,

How great Thou art!

How great Thou art!

Because I love her

I adore all of my children, I adore them all for who they are and the special qualities that God has given them. But there is nothing like a daughter. Nothing. I look at my daughter and I see myself. I see her and I am reminded of beautiful childhood that I had. I look at her and I see my mom, my older sister, my baby sister. I love her. I adore her.

I chose her name when I was just a little girl; it was my grandmother's maiden name. The desire for a little girl of my own, named for someone I loved so much, has followed me since I was old enough to hold a baby doll. That name changed my life when I was fifteen. Erik and I sat in the back of a youth group van, traveling the rough roads of Alaska, asking each other every question we could think of. His middle name came up and then his mother's name. In that moment I knew, I KNEW that he would one day be the father of my daughter.

So meet my little girl.

The apple of my eye.

The spice in our lives

A lady to the core

Everything I could have ever asked for

My everything (well, one of them!)

Meet my daughter

 

Donnelly Elizabeth

The Bible through the eyes of a child.

The Bible through the eyes of my child.



Ben: “Mom, don’t pick favorites, ok?”


Me: “Mommy doesn’t ever pick favorites with her babies. I love you all equally”


Ben: “Someone played favorites in the Bible, Jacob’s mommy loved him best and Esau’s papa loved him best so they hated each other and fighted over the bookmark. It was sad.”


Me: “That is sad, what’s a bookmark?”


Ben: “Esau had the bookmark and then Jacob took it away. When the mommy and papa die and you have the bookmark, you get all their dresses and stuff.”


Me: “That’s a very good story Ben but I think you mean birthright.”


Ben: “No it’s a bookmark. I want one.”


I adore this kid!

Two years ago today

Two years ago today, the Lord preformed a miracle.

He took heart and He searched it. He broke it and He filled a void that I didn't know I had.

Two years ago today He gave me my babies. The loves of my life.

Thank You Lord
_______________________________________________

I am a lucky mama.

Today the twins celebrate their second birthday.

Happy Birthday my loves!

D (Her beautiful name to come soon!)

Born at 7:54am

7lbs 5oz 19 inches

L (again, beautiful name to come)

Born at 7:55am

4lbs 15oz 17 inches

I know that every mama thinks that they are the luckiest but today, while we celebrate the greatest suprise of our lives, I'd like to believe that I am the luckiest person alive.

Happy Birthday Stellan and The name reveal - Part 'B'

Happy Birthday Stellan!

I have mentioned Stellan and his mom a few times before. Today is Stellan's first birthday and he is struggling through it. We (MckMama followers around the world) are wearing orange today in honor of Stellan's miraculous birthday. Please continue to pray for him and his wonderful family.

Happy Birthday Stellan!

___________________________________________

Now on to my decision to reveal the names of my family. I started with my wonderful husband Erik. It's mostly because I am too lazy to keep editing their names out of my blog!

So today, please meet my wonderful son B.

Preston. That was the first and only name that Erik ever agreed upon. The little girls that I nannied for started calling him "Pretzel" because they couldn't say Preston. We had a process that we went through when we were choosing a name. It's not something that I'm proud of. Erik and I would come up with as many meant and nasty nicknames we could that were derived from the name we were considering. Prissy Preston stuck. I've never been able to look at a child named Preston (and there have been a few) without thinking "Prissy Preston"! So we threw it out.

When I was 28 weeks pregnant with B, we got some disturbing blood test results. B was beautiful and healthy. My blood platelets were dangerously low. I was hospitalized and we prepared to have a very premature baby. We met with the NICU staff, the financial staff, and social workers, all to prepare us for the hardest road of our lives. But my platelets went back up. I went home. They went down. I back. We spent the last weeks of the pregnancy on bed rest. I did everything that I could to prepare for our early baby but we couldn't decide on a name. We reluctantly agreed on either Daniel or Isaac, not crazy about either. Finally at thirty-seven weeks, B was far enough along and my platelets were high. It was time to have a baby. The night before I was to be induced, I sat at my parent’s kitchen table, alone with my Dad. I adore my Dad. He quietly asked if I had considered the name "B". I hadn't. I threw it around all night, mentioned it to Erik. He vetoed it immediately, something about a bully in grade school.

The next morning, I was induced. It was long and hard and after twenty-one hours of labor and a poorly read cervix, our first baby was born by emergency C-section. He was very tired from such a long and stressful labor. My placenta had abrupted but it wasn't caught, the epidural dropped my blood pressure and the drugs that they gave me made his heart rate hover above 200 for most of the night. Our sweet baby's lungs were filled with fluid and he refused to breathe on his own. He was just exhausted. I didn't get to see him. I shivered in my dark and very lonely room all day. I the evening Erik came in (he had been with the baby in the NICU) and said that he needed a name, that it would help if he could call the baby by a name. I asked Erik if he was an Isaac or a B. He hung his head and told me that he was without a doubt a B. That B crashed and had to be intubated. He was not doing well. I was taken to meet him, to hold him. He was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. Less than fourty-eight hours later he was in my arms, off the vent. He had needed his mom. I was smitten the second I laid eyes on him.

B is an amazing little person.

He is spirited, to put it lightly.

He is smart and funny.

A wonderful big brother.

A scientist.

An explorer at heart.

Meet the love of my life

Benjamin Isaac

Wordless Wednesday

Ok so it's not so wordless since it's my second post of the day. Hey, I'm making up for last week!

Apathy

Learning To Be Thankful

I am learning to be thankful.

For those that I love.

For the health of my children.

For my husband and our marriage.

For my parents and my sisters.

I had the intention of blogging about my children's wonderful names, the pumpkin patch, the house we planned on buying. But alas it didn't happen. I've had too much on my mind to write anything down and the last week has been hard on Erik and me. I was angry and tired. But I'm not anymore. My life was put into perspective. Things don’t matter, where we live doesn’t matter, money doesn’t matter. We were told a few weeks ago that the house that we live in was going to be offered to us to buy. We got too excited. We made plans. We got our hopes up. Instead of selling the house to us, the owner is putting it up on the market for $40,000 more than the house across the street. So two months into our lease we are losing our home and have to move. I was upset, Erik was upset, my mom was upset! Until last night that is. I logged on to facebook, my normal before bed ritual, and saw that another blogger’s baby is very, very sick. MckMama is the mother of baby Stellan. I have been following their story for long enough to feel attached to them. My heart is breaking for them as Stellan struggles.

God is always faithful to put life in perspective when we lose our focus. He, through Stellan and Jennifer’s struggles, has reminded me of the frailty of life. He has reminded me that things and homes are fleeting, that they just don’t matter. I have been given so much to be thankful for. I have healthy beautiful children. I am blessed with a wonderful husband and a marriage that is strong. I have the most wonderful family anyone could ask for. In a few days I will become an Auntie! Why worry about our housing situation? God will provide. He always has. For that I am thankful.

So I vow to be thankful, to enjoy the gifts that God has given our family.

Please join me in praying for Stellan and his struggle. The Lord has His strong hand on that little boy and his sweet little heart. His family needs your prayer.

Meet My Husband E..... the name reveal part 1

Meet my wonderful husband E. If you think you know him, you most likely do. Every one knows E.

I fell for Erik when I was a mere fifteen years old, we've been together ever since.

He is a wonderful father, provider and best friend.

He is quiet. He makes me laugh. He is a very talented drummer.

Meet my husband Erik.

Goodbye Monkey Pajamas!

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

The twins will be two years old in twelve days. Every day comes with a new trick, a new skill, some new accomplishment. D's newest "skill" qualifies her for a "Not My Child! Monday!”.

It all started with the discovery that socks come off rather easily. From socks, D learned that the Velcro on her diaper is also very easy to use. My child is not a nudist! Oh No! Not MY child!

 A few nights ago, the kids and I were having a lovely spaghetti dinner at my parents and the all ways prepared mother that I am did not have a single bib or change of clothes. The easiest thing to do was strip both babies down to their diapers, socks and shoes. Not long after, I left them at the dinner table with the rest of my family to retrieve B, who has never liked food. Sweet, wonderful, smart little D excused herself from the table, removed her diaper, threw said diaper (which WAS clean) in the garbage and came to find me in the den, sporting socks and her Mary Janes. Naked as a Jay Bird!

So this evening I should have known that trouble was coming when D discovered the snaps on the front of her pajamas and just how easy they were to undo. At that point I should have put her in snap less pajamas but I didn't... so at 2o'clock this morning, after moving poor, sickly B back to his bed from mine, I found her sleeping like, well, a baby. Completely in the buff. Her adorable monkey snap pajamas draped over the rail of her crib, her diaper on the floor. I should never be surprised. About anything. Ever again.

So goodbye monkey pajamas. You served your purpose well.

D at play with the most beloved Uncle Tony, in the most beloved monkey pajamas.

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I have grown very tired of D L B E. Starting tomorrow I will be referring to my children and wonderful husband by - get ready for it - their names!!! I'm honestly just tired of having to edit myself and I really love my children's names! They were all so thoughtfully chosen they might as well be enjoyed. Stay tuned!

It's been a long week, it's going to be a long post!

I am opening with this: the most wondrous twenty three month old little boy in the world and his fabulous dimple. Why because he is cute and uplifting and this blog is about to get a little deep.

 

This week has been long and hard. I have avoided blogging because my plate is full and I have a few things heavy on my heart and mind.

 

I spent Sunday night in Portland with my wonderful sisters, Jessi and Becky. It was a much needed getaway for all of us. I came down with a little something on the way home Monday but all was fine and dandy because I was home with my beautiful children. But Tuesday morning I woke (with a cold) to L whimpering, which is scary if you know L and how boisterous he can be. To say he was hot would be an understatement but I couldn't tell you how hot because for the life of me I couldn't find the dang thermometer. L is a high risk baby. He spent all of last March through June on steroids and one breathing treatment or another to keep his breathing manageable. He was finally diagnosed with asthma but we haven't been able to pinpoint his triggers. So he stays high risk. A high fever and a nasty cough that came out of nowhere warrant a trip to the doctor. He was treated with antibiotics and for the swine flu. I get so scared when L is sick.

 

B woke up on Wednesday hot, 102.8 hot (I sent E to the store to replace the thermometer that I purchased the day before and then lost in my parents couch). I spent the rest of that rainy morning forcing ice water into him and soaking his forehead with cool water. He's a champ though, by Thursday he was fever free and begging me to let him go back to school. Sweet little D spent the entire week healthy, going from brother to brother with a pat and saying "oh baby" in her sweet little voice.

 

But all week I had this on my mind. Wednesday was Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.

 

I am not the parent of an angel baby; I have never had to live through the loss of my child. I have looked down that road though. I have sat next to my tiny baby while a ventilator breathed for him. I have contemplated the loss of a twin who refuses to grow. But my children have been spared. I looked down that road; I cannot fathom having to walk it.

 

I am not the mother of a child lost in pregnancy or infancy but I am marked by it. I am the sibling of loss. My parents lost their son when I was a baby and their infant daughter when I was not quite four. Beautiful Ryan was taken after a short life complicated with Hydrocephalus and illness, sweet Sarah to a terrible accident when she was just six months old. God has a plan that we cannot begin to understand, that we are not meant to understand until we are on His side of eternity. How could we begin to understand why God can take one child, the most beautiful little boy, after a five year battle with illness and disability and then see fit to take a healthy baby girl in the blink of an eye? I've wondered my entire life.

 

Monday was Sarah's twenty fifth birthday; she has been on my mind all month. How much does a small child remember? Enough. I remember the way she smelled like Baby Magic lotion, the print on the fabric inside her black patent leather shoes, the way her Rainbow Bright pajamas felt against my skin. I remember the way the macaroni and cheese felt in my mouth the day she died. I have been blessed with a memory that starts when I was about a year old, honestly! I remember so much of my life, especially as a small child and I can't help but believe that it is to remember her. So that her short life can live on in me.

 

I am so thankful for Sarah and her beautiful little life. I am thankful for the things that God has taught me and given me through her life and death. My mother. I have more respect for my mother than any other person on the planet. How she could not only survive the loss of her children but become the strong and faithful woman that she has blows my mind. My father. My kind and gentle father who has spent his entire life as a father sacrificing and doing everything that he can to make life that much sweeter for us girls. My parents have never failed to show us that while God has plans that we may never understand His plans are always for our good and made with His love. Sarah's life has taught me more about being a mother to my own children than I could begin to share.

 

And finally, isn't it like God in His infinite wisdom, to take a tragedy that no one can begin to understand and bring new life out of the darkness. Four years after Sarah went to her Home, we were given a new baby girl. A sister that would never have been, a sister that I love with every fiber of my being. God works in ways that very often make us feel blind and raw.... and oh so thankful.

 

Becky, my baby sister and I this past weekend, stuck in an elevator!

A concert, an elevator shaft and a turtle... that's all I've got for now!

Oh how sleepy can one person be? Sleepy enough to sit at a stop sign for a good three minutes, rather pissed off that it wasn't turning green... time to go home!

I just arrived safe and sound, home from an amazing weekend away with my sisters. We rented a car, stayed at the Edgefield., saw Ingrid Michaelson , got stuck in an elevator, ate pizza.... I could go on and on.

But alas, I am too tired!

So I will just share with you my newest friend and her turtle baby.

And a memory of my own babies.

My goodness do I love this little girl (and the fact that she now has enough hair to actually cover her head!)

And these little men just melt my heart!