Friday, October 30, 2009

Two years ago today

Two years ago today, the Lord preformed a miracle.

He took heart and He searched it. He broke it and He filled a void that I didn't know I had.


Two years ago today He gave me my babies. The loves of my life.

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Thank You Lord
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I am a lucky mama.

Today the twins celebrate their second birthday.

Happy Birthday my loves!

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D (Her beautiful name to come soon!)
Born at 7:54am
7lbs 5oz 19 inches

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L (again, beautiful name to come)
Born at 7:55am
4lbs 15oz 17 inches

I know that every mama thinks that they are the luckiest but today, while we celebrate the greatest suprise of our lives, I'd like to believe that I am the luckiest person alive.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Happy Birthday Stellan and The name reveal - Part 'B'

Happy Birthday Stellan!



I have mentioned Stellan and his mom a few times before. Today is Stellan's first birthday and he is struggling through it. We (MckMama followers around the world) are wearing orange today in honor of Stellan's miraculous birthday. Please continue to pray for him and his wonderful family.




Prayers for Stellan


Happy Birthday Stellan!
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Now on to my decision to reveal the names of my family. I started with my wonderful husband Erik. It's mostly because I am too lazy to keep editing their names out of my blog!


So today, please meet my wonderful son B.
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Preston. That was the first and only name that Erik ever agreed upon. The little girls that I nannied for started calling him "Pretzel" because they couldn't say Preston. We had a process that we went through when we were choosing a name. It's not something that I'm proud of. Erik and I would come up with as many meant and nasty nicknames we could that were derived from the name we were considering. Prissy Preston stuck. I've never been able to look at a child named Preston (and there have been a few) without thinking "Prissy Preston"! So we threw it out.


When I was 28 weeks pregnant with B, we got some disturbing blood test results. B was beautiful and healthy. My blood platelets were dangerously low. I was hospitalized and we prepared to have a very premature baby. We met with the NICU staff, the financial staff, and social workers, all to prepare us for the hardest road of our lives. But my platelets went back up. I went home. They went down. I back. We spent the last weeks of the pregnancy on bed rest. I did everything that I could to prepare for our early baby but we couldn't decide on a name. We reluctantly agreed on either Daniel or Isaac, not crazy about either. Finally at thirty-seven weeks, B was far enough along and my platelets were high. It was time to have a baby. The night before I was to be induced, I sat at my parent’s kitchen table, alone with my Dad. I adore my Dad. He quietly asked if I had considered the name "B". I hadn't. I threw it around all night, mentioned it to Erik. He vetoed it immediately, something about a bully in grade school.


The next morning, I was induced. It was long and hard and after twenty-one hours of labor and a poorly read cervix, our first baby was born by emergency C-section. He was very tired from such a long and stressful labor. My placenta had abrupted but it wasn't caught, the epidural dropped my blood pressure and the drugs that they gave me made his heart rate hover above 200 for most of the night. Our sweet baby's lungs were filled with fluid and he refused to breathe on his own. He was just exhausted. I didn't get to see him. I shivered in my dark and very lonely room all day. I the evening Erik came in (he had been with the baby in the NICU) and said that he needed a name, that it would help if he could call the baby by a name. I asked Erik if he was an Isaac or a B. He hung his head and told me that he was without a doubt a B. That B crashed and had to be intubated. He was not doing well. I was taken to meet him, to hold him. He was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. Less than fourty-eight hours later he was in my arms, off the vent. He had needed his mom. I was smitten the second I laid eyes on him.


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B is an amazing little person.


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He is spirited, to put it lightly.


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He is smart and funny.


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A wonderful big brother.


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A scientist.


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An explorer at heart.


Ben

Meet the love of my life


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Benjamin Isaac











Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Wordless Wednesday

Ok so it's not so wordless since it's my second post of the day. Hey, I'm making up for last week!


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Apathy

Learning To Be Thankful

I am learning to be thankful.

For those that I love.

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For the health of my children.

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For my husband and our marriage.

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For my parents and my sisters.

I had the intention of blogging about my children's wonderful names, the pumpkin patch, the house we planned on buying. But alas it didn't happen. I've had too much on my mind to write anything down and the last week has been hard on Erik and me. I was angry and tired. But I'm not anymore. My life was put into perspective. Things don’t matter, where we live doesn’t matter, money doesn’t matter. We were told a few weeks ago that the house that we live in was going to be offered to us to buy. We got too excited. We made plans. We got our hopes up. Instead of selling the house to us, the owner is putting it up on the market for $40,000 more than the house across the street. So two months into our lease we are losing our home and have to move. I was upset, Erik was upset, my mom was upset! Until last night that is. I logged on to facebook, my normal before bed ritual, and saw that another blogger’s baby is very, very sick. MckMama is the mother of baby Stellan. I have been following their story for long enough to feel attached to them. My heart is breaking for them as Stellan struggles.

God is always faithful to put life in perspective when we lose our focus. He, through Stellan and Jennifer’s struggles, has reminded me of the frailty of life. He has reminded me that things and homes are fleeting, that they just don’t matter. I have been given so much to be thankful for. I have healthy beautiful children. I am blessed with a wonderful husband and a marriage that is strong. I have the most wonderful family anyone could ask for. In a few days I will become an Auntie! Why worry about our housing situation? God will provide. He always has. For that I am thankful.

So I vow to be thankful, to enjoy the gifts that God has given our family.

Please join me in praying for Stellan and his struggle. The Lord has His strong hand on that little boy and his sweet little heart. His family needs your prayer.



Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Meet My Husband E..... the name reveal part 1

Meet my wonderful husband E. If you think you know him, you most likely do. Every one knows E.
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I fell for Erik when I was a mere fifteen years old, we've been together ever since.
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He is a wonderful father, provider and best friend.
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He is quiet. He makes me laugh. He is a very talented drummer.
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Meet my husband Erik.
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Monday, October 19, 2009

Goodbye Monkey Pajamas!




Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

The twins will be two years old in twelve days. Every day comes with a new trick, a new skill, some new accomplishment. D's newest "skill" qualifies her for a "Not My Child! Monday!”.

It all started with the discovery that socks come off rather easily. From socks, D learned that the Velcro on her diaper is also very easy to use. My child is not a nudist! Oh No! Not MY child!

 A few nights ago, the kids and I were having a lovely spaghetti dinner at my parents and the all ways prepared mother that I am did not have a single bib or change of clothes. The easiest thing to do was strip both babies down to their diapers, socks and shoes. Not long after, I left them at the dinner table with the rest of my family to retrieve B, who has never liked food. Sweet, wonderful, smart little D excused herself from the table, removed her diaper, threw said diaper (which WAS clean) in the garbage and came to find me in the den, sporting socks and her Mary Janes. Naked as a Jay Bird!

So this evening I should have known that trouble was coming when D discovered the snaps on the front of her pajamas and just how easy they were to undo. At that point I should have put her in snap less pajamas but I didn't... so at 2o'clock this morning, after moving poor, sickly B back to his bed from mine, I found her sleeping like, well, a baby. Completely in the buff. Her adorable monkey snap pajamas draped over the rail of her crib, her diaper on the floor. I should never be surprised. About anything. Ever again.

So goodbye monkey pajamas. You served your purpose well.


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D at play with the most beloved Uncle Tony, in the most beloved monkey pajamas.

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I have grown very tired of D L B E. Starting tomorrow I will be referring to my children and wonderful husband by - get ready for it - their names!!! I'm honestly just tired of having to edit myself and I really love my children's names! They were all so thoughtfully chosen they might as well be enjoyed. Stay tuned!


Saturday, October 17, 2009

It's been a long week, it's going to be a long post!

I am opening with this: the most wondrous twenty three month old little boy in the world and his fabulous dimple. Why because he is cute and uplifting and this blog is about to get a little deep.

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This week has been long and hard. I have avoided blogging because my plate is full and I have a few things heavy on my heart and mind.
 
I spent Sunday night in Portland with my wonderful sisters, Jessi and Becky. It was a much needed getaway for all of us. I came down with a little something on the way home Monday but all was fine and dandy because I was home with my beautiful children. But Tuesday morning I woke (with a cold) to L whimpering, which is scary if you know L and how boisterous he can be. To say he was hot would be an understatement but I couldn't tell you how hot because for the life of me I couldn't find the dang thermometer. L is a high risk baby. He spent all of last March through June on steroids and one breathing treatment or another to keep his breathing manageable. He was finally diagnosed with asthma but we haven't been able to pinpoint his triggers. So he stays high risk. A high fever and a nasty cough that came out of nowhere warrant a trip to the doctor. He was treated with antibiotics and for the swine flu. I get so scared when L is sick.
 
B woke up on Wednesday hot, 102.8 hot (I sent E to the store to replace the thermometer that I purchased the day before and then lost in my parents couch). I spent the rest of that rainy morning forcing ice water into him and soaking his forehead with cool water. He's a champ though, by Thursday he was fever free and begging me to let him go back to school. Sweet little D spent the entire week healthy, going from brother to brother with a pat and saying "oh baby" in her sweet little voice.

 
But all week I had this on my mind. Wednesday was Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.
 
I am not the parent of an angel baby; I have never had to live through the loss of my child. I have looked down that road though. I have sat next to my tiny baby while a ventilator breathed for him. I have contemplated the loss of a twin who refuses to grow. But my children have been spared. I looked down that road; I cannot fathom having to walk it.
 
I am not the mother of a child lost in pregnancy or infancy but I am marked by it. I am the sibling of loss. My parents lost their son when I was a baby and their infant daughter when I was not quite four. Beautiful Ryan was taken after a short life complicated with Hydrocephalus and illness, sweet Sarah to a terrible accident when she was just six months old. God has a plan that we cannot begin to understand, that we are not meant to understand until we are on His side of eternity. How could we begin to understand why God can take one child, the most beautiful little boy, after a five year battle with illness and disability and then see fit to take a healthy baby girl in the blink of an eye? I've wondered my entire life.
 
Monday was Sarah's twenty fifth birthday; she has been on my mind all month. How much does a small child remember? Enough. I remember the way she smelled like Baby Magic lotion, the print on the fabric inside her black patent leather shoes, the way her Rainbow Bright pajamas felt against my skin. I remember the way the macaroni and cheese felt in my mouth the day she died. I have been blessed with a memory that starts when I was about a year old, honestly! I remember so much of my life, especially as a small child and I can't help but believe that it is to remember her. So that her short life can live on in me.
 
I am so thankful for Sarah and her beautiful little life. I am thankful for the things that God has taught me and given me through her life and death. My mother. I have more respect for my mother than any other person on the planet. How she could not only survive the loss of her children but become the strong and faithful woman that she has blows my mind. My father. My kind and gentle father who has spent his entire life as a father sacrificing and doing everything that he can to make life that much sweeter for us girls. My parents have never failed to show us that while God has plans that we may never understand His plans are always for our good and made with His love. Sarah's life has taught me more about being a mother to my own children than I could begin to share.
 
And finally, isn't it like God in His infinite wisdom, to take a tragedy that no one can begin to understand and bring new life out of the darkness. Four years after Sarah went to her Home, we were given a new baby girl. A sister that would never have been, a sister that I love with every fiber of my being. God works in ways that very often make us feel blind and raw.... and oh so thankful.

 
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Becky, my baby sister and I this past weekend, stuck in an elevator!













Tuesday, October 13, 2009

A concert, an elevator shaft and a turtle... that's all I've got for now!

Oh how sleepy can one person be? Sleepy enough to sit at a stop sign for a good three minutes, rather pissed off that it wasn't turning green... time to go home!
I just arrived safe and sound, home from an amazing weekend away with my sisters. We rented a car, stayed at the Edgefield., saw Ingrid Michaelson , got stuck in an elevator, ate pizza.... I could go on and on.

But alas, I am too tired!

So I will just share with you my newest friend and her turtle baby.

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And a memory of my own babies.
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My goodness do I love this little girl (and the fact that she now has enough hair to actually cover her head!)

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And these little men just melt my heart!




Thursday, October 8, 2009

Waiting for the meds to kick in....

I'm not feeling much like writing but what else is there to do when you are in pain and you're waiting for the blessed pain meds to kick in. I had to have a root canal redone today because the dentist that did it over ten years ago missed a few canals! How do you do that!?! Thank heaven for better dental insurance and a better dentist who found that massive infection hiding in my jaw. The work started today and while I really like this other new dentist (I had to go to a specialist), I was unlucky enough to feel EVERYTHING when he finally had the tooth cleaned out and broke through into that lovely infection.... so here I sit, on antibiotics, waiting for the pain meds to kick in.

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I did this yesterday. I am so in love with my crocheted animals and such! I crafted this fella for my sister Becky; he'll soon have a snuggly pear shaped home to live in. Love it!






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The twins were so tiny for their first Christmas. They weren't quite eight weeks old but were so infatuated with the Christmas lights on our tree. E would lay L on a blanket next to the tree and he would stare at it for what seemed like hours.


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Here is my older sister Jessi with my sweet twins on Christmas morning, L has the binky, D has the fist. I was really excited to share this picture when I found it. Jessi is due to have her own baby girl a month from yesterday. She is finally making me an Auntie Em! I am the most excited Auntie in the world.... as long as you don't could my little sister Becky. But she's already an Auntie (thanks to me!) so I claim myself as the most excited! I have loved this baby since the moment she told us about her (as Becky's bachelorette party!). She is a much awaited addition to our family and I can't wait to meet her!

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Amigurumi, Where Have You Been All My Life?

I have been feeling very crafty lately, almost overwhelmingly crafty. I have been sewing skirts, making baby leg warmers and embroidering burp cloths for my sister’s impending baby girl. So when my birthday came around last week, it’s no surprise that all of my gift were crafty things. My lovely sister, Jessi, gave me “Amigurumi Two” by Ana Paula Rimoli. And while I know her gesture was out of pure love, it also came with the hope of some Amigurumi (the Japanese art of crocheting small animals) for their little one. You see Jessi and her husband are expecting their first baby something in early November (making me an Auntie for the first time!!!!!) and they share a love for kitschy woodland creatures. I am SO willing to oblige…



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I have been working like mad, my hands cramping up when I finally go to bed at night. But I have found my calling in life: To make whimsical wonders out of yarn.


Ok not really, but I am enjoying myself!


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Meet Lolie! The pattern that I used for her is “Olie’s baby” but I altered the pattern and D has been calling her Lolie, so it’s sticking!


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These fellas are part of a three fella set. They still need their white spots and for the third fella to be crafted. They have bells in their caps! I adore them! I’m sure that my sister’s baby will love them as much as I do.

Monday, October 5, 2009

Not Me! Monday!



 
 
Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.



E and I have been married for nearly nine years. We have known each other for over twelve. So this past week we most certainly did not have this conversation:
E: "So, you're almost 29.... How does it feel to be so old?"
(I should tell you here that HE is 29, not me)
Me: "Um... No E, I am almost 28"
E: "No you're almost 29 because for a few months out of the year we are the same age."
Me: "No... For a few months out of the year we are two years apart."
E: Long Pause. Then he walks out of the room.
Nope not E and I. We are such a perfect married couple, we know each other’s birthdays and the date of out anniversary.


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What a wonderful surprise to come across a picture that you had forgotten about! I came across this one of B and L, how could I forget about this!?! B is such an amazing big brother.


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This was taken just a few days after the twins came home from the hospital. B was so captivated by these tiny creatures that had invaded his life. I am so glad that this moment was captured. What a precious memory!

Friday, October 2, 2009

Good bye 27, Hello 28!

Good bye 27, Hello 28. Twenty-seven, thanks for a good year. You treated me better than 21 or 25 but not quite as well as 22. So go your way and tell 28 to be kind to me. I have lofty goals and high expectations for you 28. Good luck, we’ll both need it!



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What do you get when you cross two non-reactive non-stress tests, three long days in the hospital at the end of October and a NICUstaff with a sense of humor?


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A set of twins in make-shift Halloween costume!


The twins made their grand entrance on October 30th, 2007. We found out very early in the pregnancy that L was not growing well. We were monitored very closely until I was 35 weeks and after two non-reactive non-stress tests with L, Dr. D decided to admit me and have the babies. This was a Friday… the NICU was full. Because the twins were a month early and L was high risk, they could not be born until two beds opened up in the NICU. Dr.D sent me home with strict instructions to come back first thing in the morning to be admitted. We waited until Tuesday for beds to open up and when they did, Dr.D claimed them and the twins arrived. They were born very early Tuesday morning, 57 seconds apart. D weighed 7lbs 4oz and was 19 inches long. L weighed in at a whopping 4 lbs 15 oz and was 17 inches long. Both babies went to the NICU, L for TTN (transient tachypnea of the newborn) and D for a slightly irregular heartbeat. L had a very hard time maintaining his temperature because he had no fat on his tiny body. It was the last thing he had to do before coming home. He struggled with it until a nurse had a stroke of genius and put him in his sister’s isolet. Who would have thought, right!?! They only spent four days in the NICU and came home with us on Saturday. Both babies had lost over a pound and were having a little trouble eating in the NICU but at home they both thrived!


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B holding his baby brother L for the first time with no tubes or wires.


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To help L maintain his temperature, we kept the twins swaddled together. I love this picture because it shows just how different they were in size. I can’t believe they are almost 2. They were so tiny such a short time ago.


Have a wonderful day, I know I will!

Thursday, October 1, 2009

The Beginning of the Twins

On October 30, my sweet babies will be turning two years old. I am having a hard time with this fact, a very hard time. Ok, not really. I just miss the tiny baby stage. I adore the tiny baby stage. It is the reason I worked in childcare for several years before having my own tiny babies. To make this transition easier for me, I have decided to post a memory about their babyhood every day until their birthday. And what a better place to start than the beginning.



We wanted a second baby, I wanted one desperately. I was simply not created to be the mother of just one child. The second baby did not come easily to E and I, just as the first had taken so long to find its way to my womb. In February, I was late. Just a few days but when you are trying to get pregnant, those days are torture. I got my hopes up and had them crushed. So when I was late in March, I didn’t think about it. I didn’t tell E. After a week of silently torturing myself, I told him. He did a little flip when I told him just how late I was. He was thrilled! I love him. I agreed to take a test in the morning and he woke me at the crack of dawn to take it. I was so scared. That test turned positive, very positive, very fast. Our little family of three went out to breakfast to celebrate. I told the waitress that I was pregnant.


A month later we were finally at our first OB appointment, it had been a hard month with constant spotting that I had only shared with the nurse at the OB’s office and E. I was scared, E was anxious. For some reason I had prepared myself for the worst. This pregnancy felt so different than my first. I was spotting, my belly already felt like it was beginning to grow and I was so sick that I had already lost fifteen pounds. As we left my parents house the night before the appointment, my Mom told us that it was going to be twins. E told her that if it was, she could have one. At the end of that first appointment, Dr.D did a quick ultrasound to find a heartbeat. There is no more terrifying of a sound than an OB saying “Uh…. Hmmmm…..well…”. E and I both froze, staring at the monitor. We both had seen a heartbeat, why the need for the “Uh…. Hmmmm…..well…”!?! Dr. D put the ultrasound thingy on one side of my already swollen belly. “Well,” He said “There is a very strong heartbeat right here.” He ran the thingy to the other side of my belly, “and a really strong heartbeat over here.” We gave him a very blank stare. “It’s twins”. I laughed. E was silent for a moment, staring at the screen where Dr.D continued to flip back and forth between heartbeats. “Crap” He finally said, “I’ve got to call your Mom!”


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This is not THE ultrasound; this one was taken at 18 weeks.


We wanted to tell everyone in person. When my Mom called minutes after we left the appointment, she asked if it was twins. I lied through my teeth. Nope, just one healthy baby. She was disappointed. That night we went to my parent’s house to show them the pictures of the "baby". E and I did such a good job of concealing out excitement. I’ll never forget this moment. My Mom was sitting at the dinner table, she asked for the pictures the second we walked through the door. I handed the picture to her, so excited to share this with her that I could burst. She looked at it for such a long time that I thought she couldn't see it. Finally, finally she spoke. “We’ll Emmi” (That’s what most of the world calls me!) “This looks like two babies?” “That’s because it is”. Honestly that was the greatest moment of my life.


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This is E and I that night. We look so young and excited. I love it!


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I was only 25 weeks along here. Wow!


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This was taken at my baby shower. I was almost 29 weeks here.


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I got big. Fast! These two were taken at the pumpkin patch about a week before the twins were born (a month early!). Check out that belly button, I don’t remember it being that big!


Wow, that turned into a massive post! Sorry! Thanks if you made it through the entire thing.
 

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