My tangled ball of yarn

I don’t feel like blogging. I don’t feel like myself.

I feel like this:

A tangled mess of yarn, pulled and twisted into something unfinished at both ends, wound into knots and shoved into a little plastic jar.

Life happens to be stressful right now. And I have no desire to take it in stride. I am blessed to be married to a man that just goes with the flow. He may be like “what the heck” for a moment but then he simply shrugs his shoulders and says “that’s life”. But I don’t want to be that level headed and adult. I want to stomp my feet and pout in the corner. But I can’t. I shouldn’t.

We have to move soon, out of a home that I love. A home that we really thought would be ours but is being sold out from under us and we have been asked to leave. So in April we leave. But I don’t feel like it. I don’t feel like looking for a new rental when what I really want is a home of my own. I don’t feel like packing or moving or leaving my big backyard or the morning doves that live in the tree in the front yard. I just don’t feel the way I want to feel. There is nothing at this point that I want more than to be excited about this change, to take it on as an adventure and a chance to grow as a family. To learn to rely on my Lord, my rescuer. But sadly, I just don’t feel like it.

The mood that I’m in is no help to where we are in life. Liam has been sick for the past few weeks. His asthma has been persistent which called for steroids. Oh the steroids! Poor Liam is a savage when he’s on steroids. He is uncontrollable and aggressive. I am truly exhausted from policing his wake. But I’m forced to look on the bright side; the wheezing has stopped and the inhaled steroid he was put on causes fewer side effects than the oral one (like turning my sweet gentle baby that says ‘thank you much’ for everything into a sibling attacking monster).

Thankfully, venting helps. Airing my complaints and frustrations down on paper…or a computer screen… puts things into perspective. And quite honestly it makes me feel bad for feeling like this. So I’ll make an effort to feel better, to find joy in my frustration, to make my tangled mess and turn it into something wonderful.