Two years ago today

Two years ago today, the Lord preformed a miracle.

He took heart and He searched it. He broke it and He filled a void that I didn't know I had.

Two years ago today He gave me my babies. The loves of my life.

Thank You Lord
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I am a lucky mama.

Today the twins celebrate their second birthday.

Happy Birthday my loves!

D (Her beautiful name to come soon!)

Born at 7:54am

7lbs 5oz 19 inches

L (again, beautiful name to come)

Born at 7:55am

4lbs 15oz 17 inches

I know that every mama thinks that they are the luckiest but today, while we celebrate the greatest suprise of our lives, I'd like to believe that I am the luckiest person alive.

Happy Birthday Stellan and The name reveal - Part 'B'

Happy Birthday Stellan!

I have mentioned Stellan and his mom a few times before. Today is Stellan's first birthday and he is struggling through it. We (MckMama followers around the world) are wearing orange today in honor of Stellan's miraculous birthday. Please continue to pray for him and his wonderful family.

Happy Birthday Stellan!

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Now on to my decision to reveal the names of my family. I started with my wonderful husband Erik. It's mostly because I am too lazy to keep editing their names out of my blog!

So today, please meet my wonderful son B.

Preston. That was the first and only name that Erik ever agreed upon. The little girls that I nannied for started calling him "Pretzel" because they couldn't say Preston. We had a process that we went through when we were choosing a name. It's not something that I'm proud of. Erik and I would come up with as many meant and nasty nicknames we could that were derived from the name we were considering. Prissy Preston stuck. I've never been able to look at a child named Preston (and there have been a few) without thinking "Prissy Preston"! So we threw it out.

When I was 28 weeks pregnant with B, we got some disturbing blood test results. B was beautiful and healthy. My blood platelets were dangerously low. I was hospitalized and we prepared to have a very premature baby. We met with the NICU staff, the financial staff, and social workers, all to prepare us for the hardest road of our lives. But my platelets went back up. I went home. They went down. I back. We spent the last weeks of the pregnancy on bed rest. I did everything that I could to prepare for our early baby but we couldn't decide on a name. We reluctantly agreed on either Daniel or Isaac, not crazy about either. Finally at thirty-seven weeks, B was far enough along and my platelets were high. It was time to have a baby. The night before I was to be induced, I sat at my parent’s kitchen table, alone with my Dad. I adore my Dad. He quietly asked if I had considered the name "B". I hadn't. I threw it around all night, mentioned it to Erik. He vetoed it immediately, something about a bully in grade school.

The next morning, I was induced. It was long and hard and after twenty-one hours of labor and a poorly read cervix, our first baby was born by emergency C-section. He was very tired from such a long and stressful labor. My placenta had abrupted but it wasn't caught, the epidural dropped my blood pressure and the drugs that they gave me made his heart rate hover above 200 for most of the night. Our sweet baby's lungs were filled with fluid and he refused to breathe on his own. He was just exhausted. I didn't get to see him. I shivered in my dark and very lonely room all day. I the evening Erik came in (he had been with the baby in the NICU) and said that he needed a name, that it would help if he could call the baby by a name. I asked Erik if he was an Isaac or a B. He hung his head and told me that he was without a doubt a B. That B crashed and had to be intubated. He was not doing well. I was taken to meet him, to hold him. He was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. Less than fourty-eight hours later he was in my arms, off the vent. He had needed his mom. I was smitten the second I laid eyes on him.

B is an amazing little person.

He is spirited, to put it lightly.

He is smart and funny.

A wonderful big brother.

A scientist.

An explorer at heart.

Meet the love of my life

Benjamin Isaac

Wordless Wednesday

Ok so it's not so wordless since it's my second post of the day. Hey, I'm making up for last week!

Apathy

Learning To Be Thankful

I am learning to be thankful.

For those that I love.

For the health of my children.

For my husband and our marriage.

For my parents and my sisters.

I had the intention of blogging about my children's wonderful names, the pumpkin patch, the house we planned on buying. But alas it didn't happen. I've had too much on my mind to write anything down and the last week has been hard on Erik and me. I was angry and tired. But I'm not anymore. My life was put into perspective. Things don’t matter, where we live doesn’t matter, money doesn’t matter. We were told a few weeks ago that the house that we live in was going to be offered to us to buy. We got too excited. We made plans. We got our hopes up. Instead of selling the house to us, the owner is putting it up on the market for $40,000 more than the house across the street. So two months into our lease we are losing our home and have to move. I was upset, Erik was upset, my mom was upset! Until last night that is. I logged on to facebook, my normal before bed ritual, and saw that another blogger’s baby is very, very sick. MckMama is the mother of baby Stellan. I have been following their story for long enough to feel attached to them. My heart is breaking for them as Stellan struggles.

God is always faithful to put life in perspective when we lose our focus. He, through Stellan and Jennifer’s struggles, has reminded me of the frailty of life. He has reminded me that things and homes are fleeting, that they just don’t matter. I have been given so much to be thankful for. I have healthy beautiful children. I am blessed with a wonderful husband and a marriage that is strong. I have the most wonderful family anyone could ask for. In a few days I will become an Auntie! Why worry about our housing situation? God will provide. He always has. For that I am thankful.

So I vow to be thankful, to enjoy the gifts that God has given our family.

Please join me in praying for Stellan and his struggle. The Lord has His strong hand on that little boy and his sweet little heart. His family needs your prayer.

Meet My Husband E..... the name reveal part 1

Meet my wonderful husband E. If you think you know him, you most likely do. Every one knows E.

I fell for Erik when I was a mere fifteen years old, we've been together ever since.

He is a wonderful father, provider and best friend.

He is quiet. He makes me laugh. He is a very talented drummer.

Meet my husband Erik.

Goodbye Monkey Pajamas!

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

The twins will be two years old in twelve days. Every day comes with a new trick, a new skill, some new accomplishment. D's newest "skill" qualifies her for a "Not My Child! Monday!”.

It all started with the discovery that socks come off rather easily. From socks, D learned that the Velcro on her diaper is also very easy to use. My child is not a nudist! Oh No! Not MY child!

 A few nights ago, the kids and I were having a lovely spaghetti dinner at my parents and the all ways prepared mother that I am did not have a single bib or change of clothes. The easiest thing to do was strip both babies down to their diapers, socks and shoes. Not long after, I left them at the dinner table with the rest of my family to retrieve B, who has never liked food. Sweet, wonderful, smart little D excused herself from the table, removed her diaper, threw said diaper (which WAS clean) in the garbage and came to find me in the den, sporting socks and her Mary Janes. Naked as a Jay Bird!

So this evening I should have known that trouble was coming when D discovered the snaps on the front of her pajamas and just how easy they were to undo. At that point I should have put her in snap less pajamas but I didn't... so at 2o'clock this morning, after moving poor, sickly B back to his bed from mine, I found her sleeping like, well, a baby. Completely in the buff. Her adorable monkey snap pajamas draped over the rail of her crib, her diaper on the floor. I should never be surprised. About anything. Ever again.

So goodbye monkey pajamas. You served your purpose well.

D at play with the most beloved Uncle Tony, in the most beloved monkey pajamas.

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I have grown very tired of D L B E. Starting tomorrow I will be referring to my children and wonderful husband by - get ready for it - their names!!! I'm honestly just tired of having to edit myself and I really love my children's names! They were all so thoughtfully chosen they might as well be enjoyed. Stay tuned!

It's been a long week, it's going to be a long post!

I am opening with this: the most wondrous twenty three month old little boy in the world and his fabulous dimple. Why because he is cute and uplifting and this blog is about to get a little deep.

 

This week has been long and hard. I have avoided blogging because my plate is full and I have a few things heavy on my heart and mind.

 

I spent Sunday night in Portland with my wonderful sisters, Jessi and Becky. It was a much needed getaway for all of us. I came down with a little something on the way home Monday but all was fine and dandy because I was home with my beautiful children. But Tuesday morning I woke (with a cold) to L whimpering, which is scary if you know L and how boisterous he can be. To say he was hot would be an understatement but I couldn't tell you how hot because for the life of me I couldn't find the dang thermometer. L is a high risk baby. He spent all of last March through June on steroids and one breathing treatment or another to keep his breathing manageable. He was finally diagnosed with asthma but we haven't been able to pinpoint his triggers. So he stays high risk. A high fever and a nasty cough that came out of nowhere warrant a trip to the doctor. He was treated with antibiotics and for the swine flu. I get so scared when L is sick.

 

B woke up on Wednesday hot, 102.8 hot (I sent E to the store to replace the thermometer that I purchased the day before and then lost in my parents couch). I spent the rest of that rainy morning forcing ice water into him and soaking his forehead with cool water. He's a champ though, by Thursday he was fever free and begging me to let him go back to school. Sweet little D spent the entire week healthy, going from brother to brother with a pat and saying "oh baby" in her sweet little voice.

 

But all week I had this on my mind. Wednesday was Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.

 

I am not the parent of an angel baby; I have never had to live through the loss of my child. I have looked down that road though. I have sat next to my tiny baby while a ventilator breathed for him. I have contemplated the loss of a twin who refuses to grow. But my children have been spared. I looked down that road; I cannot fathom having to walk it.

 

I am not the mother of a child lost in pregnancy or infancy but I am marked by it. I am the sibling of loss. My parents lost their son when I was a baby and their infant daughter when I was not quite four. Beautiful Ryan was taken after a short life complicated with Hydrocephalus and illness, sweet Sarah to a terrible accident when she was just six months old. God has a plan that we cannot begin to understand, that we are not meant to understand until we are on His side of eternity. How could we begin to understand why God can take one child, the most beautiful little boy, after a five year battle with illness and disability and then see fit to take a healthy baby girl in the blink of an eye? I've wondered my entire life.

 

Monday was Sarah's twenty fifth birthday; she has been on my mind all month. How much does a small child remember? Enough. I remember the way she smelled like Baby Magic lotion, the print on the fabric inside her black patent leather shoes, the way her Rainbow Bright pajamas felt against my skin. I remember the way the macaroni and cheese felt in my mouth the day she died. I have been blessed with a memory that starts when I was about a year old, honestly! I remember so much of my life, especially as a small child and I can't help but believe that it is to remember her. So that her short life can live on in me.

 

I am so thankful for Sarah and her beautiful little life. I am thankful for the things that God has taught me and given me through her life and death. My mother. I have more respect for my mother than any other person on the planet. How she could not only survive the loss of her children but become the strong and faithful woman that she has blows my mind. My father. My kind and gentle father who has spent his entire life as a father sacrificing and doing everything that he can to make life that much sweeter for us girls. My parents have never failed to show us that while God has plans that we may never understand His plans are always for our good and made with His love. Sarah's life has taught me more about being a mother to my own children than I could begin to share.

 

And finally, isn't it like God in His infinite wisdom, to take a tragedy that no one can begin to understand and bring new life out of the darkness. Four years after Sarah went to her Home, we were given a new baby girl. A sister that would never have been, a sister that I love with every fiber of my being. God works in ways that very often make us feel blind and raw.... and oh so thankful.

 

Becky, my baby sister and I this past weekend, stuck in an elevator!